By September 12, 2015April 3rd, 2019Throwaways

I do not believe that just because someone or something exists, it has value. A person exists because their parents had sex and their mother gave birth. Once someone exists, they have potential, not value. Value comes when you explore, and then actualize, your potential to create something worthwhile. 

I don’t believe that I am entitled to anything, nor does anyone have to celebrate me just because I exist. I despise birthdays with a passion. My mother should be celebrated on my birthday if anything, because she gave birth to me on that date and kept me alive for several years when I was utterly helpless. Perhaps my father could be celebrated too. But I don’t see why I deserve presents and prizes just for that. I usually lock myself up alone on my birthday if I can manage, because I find it inauthentic to celebrate me just because I popped out of my mother on that date. I was extremely happy to celebrate finishing my first album, however. I wrote those songs, produced, played several instruments, sang lead through my whisper after losing my hard-earned pro singing voice to an illness. That was an achievement I was happy to celebrate. I still wasn’t conceited about it, and I felt that the other people on the album, and the engineer, and those who contributed financially, and so forth, deserved credit too, and I invited them all to the album release party and told everyone of all the amazing things THEY did. But still, I was proud and happy that I did something that had meaning. That was me actualizing my potential, and thus, bringing something of value into the world. Whether or not someone likes or relates to my music is irrelevant – but I have received notes online from disabled strangers who were inspired by my fight to sing, and that means something. Someone even told me she started doing art again even though she was rapidly losing her vision. Yes, I am proud of that. 

And sure, one could argue that I had to believe my music had value and that I would be capable of pulling it all together (it was a HUGE project)…so in that sense perhaps I had to have a sense of worth to begin with. But where did I get that sense of worth? From practicing piano constantly since age 4, taking tons of music lessons and practicing up to 12 hours a day before I got sick, obsessing over every nuance of every composition for years throughout my whole life, etc. I earned that sense of value through my own blood, sweat and tears, as well as the support of my parents in the early years. That is what gives someone a sense of value. Work. Meaning. Blood, sweat and tears. Purpose. Simply existing is meaningless and empty. Look up at the stars. They will tell you just how insignificant you are.


Author Erii

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