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Musings

Ideology

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I don’t see the point in discussing political ideology. Why not discuss solutions instead? Who cares which “side” came up with it..as long as it works?

I may be a liberal, a conservative, a libertarian, a fascist, a greenist or a redist.. I don’t lose sleep over it. What matters to me is that I try my best not to spout ideological spewings that I am incapable or unwilling to carry out myself. If my words don’t match my actions, what are they worth?  I’m not saying I’ve been perfect in this area or any other. But it’s amazing to me that most people give more importance to spouting superior verbiage than to who they actually are.

Generally, people don’t think enough about results.  Is it true that black people, women, and others get paid less? Is it true that they are oppressed? Maybe, maybe not.. we could argue about statistics all day.  However it is visibly evident that telling people they are ‘racist’ when they simply disagree about a policy, isn’t effective. It causes more division and anger, and fails to change their mind or reach them in any way. Unless someone is saying blatantly degrading things about another race, calling them ‘racist’ is counter-productive. What does someone hope to accomplish by doing that?

Politics, to me, isn’t an abstract philosophy comprised of high-minded ideals. It’s a discussion of solutions and problems that arise as a result of contemplating my REAL LIVED experience, and that of my loved ones, or people I meet.  My political stances are based on me, my loved ones, and realistic studies and thoughts about human nature, which I apply to actual people in my life, rather than abstracting about what could or should be.

 

Slytherin

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Some people love to hate Slytherin and all it represents.  Yet Slytherin is an archetypal necessity that possesses tremendous merit.

Without competition the world would stagnate.  Knowledge (Ravenclaw) and kindness (Hufflepuff) are both wonderful, but very localized.  What can you do with knowledge if there isn’t an ambitious Slytherin broadcasting it?  It just dies with you.

How do you get great ideas out in to the public eye?  You think the world just lets that happen?  No. Galileo and Jesus’s head are always on the chopping block. 

Ravenclaws can yap about knowledge but, when push comes to shove, it’s a Slytherin who is going to take their ideas and actually change the world with them. Hufflepuffs can be sweet and nice but when push comes to shove its Gryffindors fighting the war up at the front line to defend them. Otherwise it’s all North Korea and the rich powerful run everything.

You may not assume the Slytherin would want to broadcast your kindness and knowledge, but understand, that’s what Slytherins do to get ahead.  They take something that people need so that they buy it and thus they get paid.

Slytherins are shit heads, but they are necessary for the world. They may be broadcasting an idea because they want to make money or be famous. But they’re still selling it. While Hufflepuffs are resisting competition because they don’t want to hurt anyone, Harry Potters, Hermiones and Snapes are up front and center defending and fighting for what they believe.  Rowling is a Hufflepuff herself, but her book centered on Slytherins and Gryffindors for a reason: because thats where the world moves.

Still, Hufflepuffs are equally necessary to the world, because kindness is a thing worth defending. If that doesn’t exist, Gryffindors will go back to sleep and Slytherins will take over.

I am a thousand percent Gryffindor. I’ve always been ambitious, but my big heart defending what I believe is first and foremost and I’ll die in the fire of my loyalty and integrity. If there’s one thing that stops me from “making it big” it’s my big stupid heart.  I work hard, but I won’t sell a lie. That is the death of me. And it can be stupid, but it’s the way I’m wired. Still, I’m smart enough to recognize that without Slytherins, people like me would have no purpose and nothing in society would move.

This is not to say that (archetypal) Hufflepuffs utterly and completely lack ambition, but rather, that they are under the delusion that they don’t have to step on any toes to actualize it.

Artists

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I keep seeing slogans like, “All artists and writers feel like frauds.” Speak for yourself. I wrote my first full song at age 8 and first 400 book at age 12 – or allowed them to write themselves through me. I have shed every ounce of my blood, sweat and tears, sacrificing most else in the name of my work for as long as I have lived. Speaking in a whisper didn’t stop me from singing and chronic illness didn’t stop me – a very shitty writer – from giving everything I have to improve and do justice to this vision. I am not a fucking fraud- Earth is more shallow to me than anything related to my home planet and the work I do to impart its legends. 

That said, I do feel, very often, that I’m not enough.
I don’t have what it takes to do justice to this vision.
The vision itself is not something people will care about.
Etc.

But I would be even less if I abandoned it. The dream would eat away at me until I joined the walking dead.

The fight is still on. Battles may be lost but the war will be won. I will suck the blood from the heart of this vision and explode it back out in a fury. Erosia will be mine.

Forum Culture

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*If it’s not worth doing in excess, it’s not worth doing at all.*

By that, I don’t mean that I party excessively. Rather, I am focused wholly on my sense of purpose. I always have my eye on “what the point of it” is, and have little interest in doing “random” things – for distraction, thrill or any other reason; if it’s not part of my larger purpose. Time is the most valuable resource we have, and anything that isn’t moving me toward that sense of purpose puts me off on a visceral level. I don’t gravitate toward “hanging out with friends” if we’re not making some kind of progress, even if that progress is immaterial, such as inspiration, digging into one another for spiritual growth, or challenging each other’s views productively. The people I have spent most time with have always been ‘art buddies.’

For the past several years, I have been drawn to typology forums – Enneagram, Jung, etc – for several reasons. Posting has helped my writing tremendously, and the subject matter, about human psychology, has helped my characters as well as my personal growth. The first few years, I made great progress, some absolutely tangible, some psychological. At this point, I’ve quit most forums, as I have grown as much as I could there and my focus has been redirected toward my purpose.

Then, yesterday, the ugly side of internet culture punched me in the chest. In one of those groups, a video was posted of a physical artist jumping off rooftops etc, with tremendous ease and mastery. He had clearly dedicated his life to this practice. Most people in a group – supposedly aimed toward spiritual growth – condemned him for “wasting his life,” inspiring kids to die, and throwing away God’s gift of life. They called him an adrenaline junky, an addict, psychotic, mentally ill, stupid, crazy, and more. Some even tried to prove his videos were green screened, even though their verity was easily researchable, and his mastery was obvious from watching it.

There are so many problems here.. I don’t know where to begin..
1) People typing on a computer to a screen full of strangers and daring to say someone else is wasting precious life.
2) A forum geared toward psychology where people attribute mental illness to a person who is effectively living their dreams. (There is no shame in mental illness, but this accusation builds false stigma around it, dilutes its meaning and more.)
3) The conflation of “Adrenaline junky” with “Masterful artist doing something with purpose.” (An adrenaline junky is a regular college student getting drunk and picking fights. Or even an intellectual wanker picking fights on the internet to let off some steam. Someone pursuing mastery and meeting his own goals is not a junky.)
4) People who get into a car every day criticizing someone else for doing something dangerous, when the statistical likelihood of dying in a car accident is higher than that of a stuntman dying from performing the art he has trained in.
5) People on a psychology forum believing it is their right to condemn someone else for how they live their life, when the person is not hurting anyone but, on the contrary, is inspiring others as well as himself. 
6) The cultural acceptance of jabbering on the internet at the expense of doing something in the real world, now translating to a CONDEMNATION of people actually walking on their feet and talking to real faces…

I could go on.

This got under my skin for so many reasons. Life was nearly snatched away from me at 16. On my death bed, I accepted that I might die, but I didn’t want to; I still had songs to sing. I still had something meaningful to do, which made life worth fighting for.

I emerged with my voice destroyed, through no fault of my own, and I took tremendous risks and challenged myself ruthlessly in order to rediscover my sense of purpose. Later, I moved to a dangerous city, fought to get by on very little, and sang lead through my whisper, despite my chronic illness. Had I died on the street then, at least my life would have been meaningful. This lesson was hard-learned on my death bed.

If you live your life cowering behind a screen, barely getting by, wagging your finger at anyone who dares step outside your enforced routine…. you are not living; you are undead. That is your choice, and I won’t condemn you, but I will call it what it is – it is zombiehood.

I cannot be part of it. I worked too hard to resurrect the ghost of my voice, to reignite the blood in my veins; to pour blood, sweat and tears into something meaningful. It is impossible, at this point, for me to be bitten by vampires and zombies, as I have already risen from the fucking dead and this is my second coming. I know why I’m here, where I’m going, and why I wake up in the morning. I examine myself to weed out the pointless bullshit standing in my way, and commit myself to dancing with the angels & demons within me. I am not perfect, but I have blood in my veins, flesh on my face and fire in my heart.

What about you? Have you examined your daily routines, your assumptions, your blinders? What is the point of it all, to you? 
Is your SOUL worth fighting for?

Demystifying Illness

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After relying on antibiotics to survive for two decades, I’ve now been antibiotic-free for for a few months – and I’m doing well!
You may ask: why? I’ll answer some of the questions I hear most often.

Q: Did you switch to an herbal remedy, or vitamins or some alternative remedy?
A: No. I’ve tried endless “alt” remedies in the past, but I got sick every time unless I was on heavy doses of antibiotics.

Q: Did you change your diet? Or exercise more?
A: Nope, it’s winter, I’m broke and I’m eating much more crap than usual. As for exercise, unfortunately I’ve been so intent on getting my book out that I make no time for anything else, and I hate the winter so much, I have barely moved or left the house in months.

Q: Did you change your mindset?
A: I’ve always been spiritual, artistic, honest, expressive and attentive to my mindset. One could argue I’m happily married and this contributed to my well being, and I wouldn’t disagree, as it obviously relaxes me to be so in love and so cared for. But.. I was sick for the first two years with him – during some periods, sicker than usual – and was equally happy then. I was also happy when doing my music (not to mention I was also exercising and eating well), but still needed to be on antibiotics.

Q: Ok well, there must be some psycho-spiritual, alternative, Eastern or dietary trick. You MUST have been doing SOMETHING wrong before that you’re not doing now, or else you wouldn’t have been sick!
A: Nope. I have done things right and done things wrong throughout many years of my life, and during several long periods of time, I’ve done more things “right” than I am doing now. However the only thing that helped me was years of heavy antibiotics and the attention of top-notch doctors who specialize in my illness.

I am in no way discounting the importance of healthy food, exercise, a good mindset and a healthy lifestyle. These improvements HAVE helped me in the past tremendously, even if they did not get me off antibiotics. I also believe that being married to my soulmate and being surrounded by beautiful people made a difference, though it’s not the whole story. So, next time you start yelling at a chronically ill person about how doctors are out to get them, medicine is a farce and they should improve their mindset or lifestyle, think of this post. People don’t always get sick because they’re doing something wrong. Oftentimes, the only thing that helps is antibiotics, antidepressants or other medications that attack the physical issue. If that undermines your world view, I am glad, because I write these posts on behalf of fellow sick people who have to endure prejudice about everything we’re doing wrong, and I hope these posts make a dent. You are healthy only because of luck, not because your actions were necessarily superior to those of sick people. I know it sucks having less control over your life than you want to believe you have but, tiz reality. All that being said, I do plan to reincorporate a workout schedule and a better diet because I have music videos to film and I feel most alive when I’m attentive to my body.

Fear

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Since I lost my voice to Lyme Disease and was left speaking in a whisper, random people at stores or restaurants ask me what’s “wrong” with my voice and tell me to stop smoking (which I have never done), to try seeing a doctor or drinking tea, or offer other unsolicited advice which suggests I am a complete idiot who brought this “defect” on myself, by neglecting my own health. When people know I used to sing, they tell me I must have been singing wrong. In some cases they say it’s karma or a punishment. No matter what I tell them about my diligence about my health and my top notch doctor, they come up with alternative options, paranoia about medication and suggestions about alternate methods and locations..as if I have not tried everything in my power to cure myself.

The reason they do this is they want to believe they have control over their own lives. The thought that, like me, disaster could strike and leave them crippled or stripped of their greatest passion through no fault of their own, is too harrowing to face. So they have to project their fear on me, by convincing themselves that I deserved my cruel fate, and as long as they do things more correctly than I did, they will fare better.

After 20 years of being asked this question any time I dare to shop in a new store or call a company, it doesnt hurt me emotionally anymore, but it never fails to remind me how fragile the human mind is, and how lucky I am to have been forced to face major losses and struggles in my early life, so that I could grow stronger.

Equality

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The “oppression olympics” mindset is a real threat to our safety and the integrity of our society. It has already eroded our morals, self respect and respect for others, so our moral integrity is going down fast due to the effects of this mindset taking hold over the last century. Yet people take for granted what we DO still have.. freedom to choose our job, sexual freedom, freedom of choice in many areas.. people won’t realize how important these liberties are until they take them away by trying to force everyone into “equality.” 

What equality really means is oppressing the strong citizens so they can be brought down to the level of the weak, and the only people with real power are those in government. So it ends up being a divide between the well-to-do government and everyone else.

What we want to improve is OPPORTUNITY, but we cannot fool ourselves into believing this can ever be equal without forcing everyone to be the same at the cost of their personal choices. 

The sentiment underlying the current “apologize for your advantages” type of social pressure is that the strong must be made weak so that everyone is equal..except the government, the great Big Brother savior. If you read Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals,” he outlined the path for this type of ideology to become mainstream: by infiltrating the schools, the media, the government. Hillary Clinton trained with him and his influence is all over Obama’s speeches. What is happening now is not some “stupid accident,” but rather, the result of almost a century of radical leftist indoctrination. 

In the 1920s, Woodrow Wilson changed a lot of information in our history books to underline how horrible slavery was , our horrible slaughter of the Natives, etc. While these incidents ARE GENUINELY awful, slavery and conquest lies at foundations of every country but the other countries teach their children national pride. Here we have been taught for a century to be ashamed of ourselves. And this is why Lincoln’s prediction – that America cannot be defeated from outside, but that we will destroy ourselves from within – is coming true.

Did anyone ever notice that there are no black heroes in our history books? Looking back at paintings and documentation there were plenty of black war heroes, the first self-made female millionaire in the country was black, and there were black governors early on.. and they used to be in the textbooks. They were taken out so that black people would feel like they were never given a chance and white people would feel like blacks contributed nothing of value to the country (of their own volition anyway), and whites would also feel guilty for looking down on blacks and oppressing them. This would create an us vs. them divide that would become impenetrable.. and that is what we’re seeing today.

And the problem is, people are now feeling they aren’t entitled to the things they earn. Is this true… well, I understand the logic behind it: not everyone had the same opportunity. That’s a very easy sell. Problem is, have the radical leftists (meaning, modern liberals).. thought about the effects of this message that we are seeing right before our eyes? People aren’t willing to work hard anymore, to do the hard labor and discipline that it takes to improve.. because they can get more sympathy and empathy [and government privileges, ranging from health benefits to lower taxes to welfare] by having less, and they don’t feel entitled to improve anyway.. everyone will hate them and they’ll have to give giant chunks of their income to a government that spends it on bullshit like war and governors using our tax money to pay off women who they assault to keep them from complaining. 

Motivation has been sucked out of our society, and we are made guilty for feeling entitled to our own earnings. This is the RESULT of the mindset which lead to shaming people for their advantages, earnings and privilege, regardless of the merit underlying the complaint. And people love to complain about what’s wrong, and fix it by shaming other people.. but they don’t stop to think about where this is leading and what good could possibly come of this mindset becoming mainstream. We are seeing the effects, divisiveness, anger, hatred, violence and poverty among the citizens rising up now.. and if that isn’t enough proof that their shaming ploy didn’t work, I don’t know what is. Trump won because people were so sick of being silenced, shamed and belittled for having anything good in their lives or disagreeing with leftist jargon.. people were so relieved to hear “grab her by the pussy” and other such “I don’t give a fuck what you think” attitude, that they voted for this person to be our president. The left wants to believe it’s about racism, and there is definitely a percentage of racists on any side and arguably a higher percentage voting for Trump… but if they actually make people feel like they can be HONEST like I do, they would talk to a lot of people who tell them directly (in secret) that they voted for Trump, but they’re not telling their friends, but the reason is they’re sick of being silenced. It’s not just me either – some major media personalities, including major leftists like Russel Brand, have postulated the same thing and some have even done some research into statistics backing this up.

The left has gotten too complacent since the 60s.. too complacent about their rightness and the “obviousness” behind what they’re saying, without looking at the EFFECTS their mindset has reaped. They need to listen to people respectfully, stop hating and putting down the “other side” and actually WATCH the right wing media they’re cursing at (even though they’ve never actually given it a chance)… they need to wake up.

Now don’t get me wrong.. I’m not claiming that the right, the conservatives or the republicans are “The Answer” either. I had more hope for the left, but at this point it’s a cesspool of ignorance, shaming people for seizing opportunity, creating and honoring divides between people, and applauding weakness. I am not a fan of either “party” or mass mindset, and from the outside, it all looks quite ridiculous.

I don’t judge the left for being heartfelt about the have-nots, but I notice that they aren’t thinking about the real living consequences of their “morals” and how they are enacting them and pushing them on society.  The problem with unbridled morality is that people aren’t thinking about the consequences of seeing them through. If there were more careful distinctions being made about the society that would REALISTICALLY result from a certain mindset playing out in full, many people would address these problems in a different way than they do now.  The problems are real, but they are calling out problems and hates and blames and shames instead of sitting down to think about solutions.

Either that or they are busy thinking about who is right and who is wrong (morally) which isn’t as much the question as who is getting hurt and how do we fix that? And a quick-fix solution, like force-taking money from one guy and force-giving it to another, may put a band-aid on the issue but in the long term the consequences of this turn to loss of motivation as a society , expansion of government, more rules, laws and regulations, and less trust in ourselves to pull ourselves up, and more riots.

People need to step back and think about what has worked historically.. and what mindset pans out in a timeless way, among people, to lead to social productivity long-term.

Villain Appeal

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People yearn to be seen for who they are – to suffer, scream and cry before someone else. They want to be seen naked, stripped of all their masks. They desperately yearn for someone who understands them.

This is why there’s nothing sexier than the image of a villainous character who reflects the darkness inside.  It fosters the illusion that “this person can understand my darkness” and admiration that “this person is honest in ways I cannot be.” Also the fantasy: “I could save tis person… I could make them change for me.”  The dark, lost, fucked up monster. “My love would save him.” This titillates the human ego.

Raw Expression

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As I said in my song, Trysticide, “I’d rather be rejected than be worshipped for a lie.”

I never wear foundation – even on stage or shoots. I never straighten, curl or blow-dry my hair. I never wear a bra or stuff to hide my small curves. I never photoshop my body parts, though I have the skills to do so. I express what I feel is true. To me, wearing eye makeup or lipstick is like wearing a beautiful dress; it enhances the natural form. Foundation, ironing hair, creating false curves and photoshopping body parts is covering up something, altering nature’s beauty. I prefer being bare and real, in all my beauty and ugliness. Take me as I am, or don’t.

Nudity

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This is my message to the heartless manipulators who try to shame me for my honesty and my open romance with natural beauty and love. My nudity- whether it be physical or psychological – is only offensive to those who have something to hide. My nudity burns their eyes and makes them feel exposed, so they try to cover me up and make me shrink away like they do, so they can cower safely behind their masks. When that doesn’t work they create rumors and stories around the meaning of my nudity, trying to cover it up with fantasies. “She wants me, she cheats on her husband, she’s a whore, it’s a scheme!” Yet I remain naked, open, honest and true, in all of my beauty, suffering and errors: I remain true. Psychological nudity, physical nudity, emotional nudity, mental nudity.. I am what I am, and I am here to stay. Murder me, and I will haunt you in another form. Murder all the lovers in the world, and the monsters in your head will strip you naked in your nightmares. My nudity is a force of nature, and it is not going ANYWHERE. Your only chance against me is to free yourself from your lies before the fire of truth burns you alive.

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“Kali’s nudity has a similar meaning. In many instances she is described as garbed in space or sky clad. In her absolute, primordial nakedness she is free from all covering of illusion. She is Nature (Prakriti in Sanskrit), stripped of ‘clothes’. It symbolizes that she is completely beyond name and form, completely beyond the effects of maya (illusion). Her nudity is said to represent totally illumined consciousness, unaffected by maya. Kali is the bright fire of truth, which cannot be hidden by the clothes of ignorance. Such truth simply burns them away.”