I think it’s unethical and unreasonable for people to pretend they are using “reason, free of emotion.” Who are they fooling? When people tell others that their arguments are invalid because there are emotions involved, they are usually speaking from a place of fear.

Emotions can be intimidating or manipulative to another party, even if that’s not the intent. I know this because I always intend to be straight forward but I happen to be a passionate person. So, I speak in an energetic, passionate manner, and then people feel trampled. My intent is not to trample them, but that is the result because it’s a lot for them to take in.

This is the real reason why I need to keep working on myself in this way – because I want to foster open-hearted, honest conversations with people, where they feel present and heard, and not afraid or overwhelmed by my passionate delivery. This way I can foster positive sentiment and create an environment where truth is uncovered from both parties.

But for me, the most truthful insights come out when I’m running on high passion. This is when I can see most clearly and when the universal truths are coming to light. I can’t always get them into words perfectly, but when my emotions are running on high and I’m debating about something, I’m seeing what’s important; even if it’s not always easy to clarify. When I’m calmly talking about some topic without being fully invested in it, I don’t touch on anything important. It’s all empty words; talking just to talk.

So the real reason for me to cut out the emotional juice is to make the other person feel safe. I’m fine with that, and I’m scolding myself this very minute for my latest transgressions of passionate arguing – but it needs to be fully clear that I’m willing to continue trying to reel myself in for the sake of good atmosphere & other people’s comfort. But I’m not “clearing away the feelings” so I can get closer to the truth. For me, the more passionate I feel, the more likely I am to hone in on something that actually matters. My heart has an intelligence of its own.

My ideal arguing scenario is with another equally passionate person who rawrs back at me with high-energy retorts, then gets over it 2 minuets later, along with me. I really like arguing with Kilian and with other choice people who know how to jump right in there and hash it out, full-force. Then when it’s over, after ripping each other’s argument to shreds, “let’s have a coffee!!” In such scenarios, I learn the most and feel the best.

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Author Erii

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